Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
