Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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