Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
