i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
