i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
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