i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
