I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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