my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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