eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
