wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Dear god my vagina.
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