im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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