I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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