ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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