I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
