you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
