Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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