Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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