i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
