i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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