i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
pray to the hookup gods
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
