I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
