Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
