I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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