I hate your face
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
