I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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