Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
