I could have mohawked her pubes.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Randomize
