And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
