I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
tell me about the eggs
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
