everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
