vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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