I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize