just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
