mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
