i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i came on her dog
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My liver just had a heart attack.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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