Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
