oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
