I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
