Have you finally orgasmed yet?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
