i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
