No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
