If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
