6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
