I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
