yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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