ya dads aren't the best wingmen
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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