Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
