Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
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