I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize