Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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