My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
