How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
