Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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