I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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