DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
