I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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