you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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