The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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