Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
