party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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