My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
