Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize