I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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