god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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