I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
