I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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