I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
This is not my ceiling
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize