11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
