I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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