i think my mom watched the whole time
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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