Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
