you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
