i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
