How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Randomize
