When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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