...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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