Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
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