My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
