I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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