Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
