I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My pussy is not your playground.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
