she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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