Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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