I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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