I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Boobs are out for the taking
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
