im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My Higher Power is John Stamos
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
