true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize