We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
