we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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