walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
