life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
