god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
