ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
