She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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