you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
