He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
