Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
