I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
